


If Only

by howlette94



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, One Shot, my showho heart is so happy, random mention of other idols
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 16:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14382858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howlette94/pseuds/howlette94
Summary: Wonho thinks Shownu is homophobic.Shownu has a hard time expressing himself.They end up hiding their feelings for each other for years.





	If Only

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations to our Monsta X babies on their 2nd Win! =D

Wonho has decided to start opening his heart this year, and so far, the results are bad. He has had his heart broken too many times. It’s a record. He has broken up with 3 guys for the last 5 months. 

The team knows it has happened again. This is the 4th time he’s curled up next to Minhyuk on his bed, burying his face on his friend’s bony chest as he tries his best to make the softest sobs he can manage.

Jooheon and IM quietly aim for the door. They can’t see him like this. It’s kind of uncomfortable for them to see their big brother suffer. And second, they really can’t relate much. 

Hyungwon rolls his eyes sleepily. He is just so used to this. In the three times Wonho was like this, he felt anger towards the person who hurt his brother, but now he’s just angry at his big brother for being so ‘stupid’ to believe in love once again. He heads for the exit as well.

Kihyun already thinks of cooking Wonho ramen to make him feel better. He moves to the kitchen. The former knows that although he’s like the mom in their household, it’s all in Minhyuk’s hands now. Why? Minhyuk, though in a relationship with Soyou, is the only one besides Wonho who’s not straight. Therefore, he understands Wonho the best. 

And Shownu. He isn’t usually there to see Wonho breakdown. Wonho makes sure of it. 

“I hate to say I told you so. But what is it this time, hyung?” Minhyuk feels his heart breaking for this hopeless romantic friend.   
“He says he’s too busy. But that’s no excuse. I work my butt off 24/7,” Wonho murmurs softly so only Minhyuk can hear him.

“That happens sometimes.” Minhyuk pushes him off his chest to slowly wipe his tears.

“I thought he was the one,” pouty Wonho looks for some sort of affirmation from Minhyuk. 

Minhyuk shakes his head, “We all think that when we like someone. You’ll find someone better. I promise.”

Wonho cries a bit more before he hears someone coming in their front door. He hurries to wipe off his tears and immediately hides in the bathroom to compose himself. 

“He won’t judge you. Why are you running away?” Minhyuk scolds Wonho.

 

During dinner, Shownu gulps his share of kimchi stew and barbecue enthusiastically. While he does this, he also scans the room. He’s happy the kids are also eating well. However, he immediately notices Wonho having a hard time swallowing his food as if he is forcing himself to eat. Before he can say something, Minhyuk has already has his hand on his lap, signalling him to stop whatever it is he was planning to do. 

Kihyun takes care of Wonho instead. He gives him more barbecue to eat and refills his glass of cola for him. Jooheon even massages Wonho’s strained shoulders, which the latter almost immediately rejects. 

Shownu takes a deep breath. He’s never lost appetite even when he’s sick, but when it comes to seeing his ‘best friend’ seemingly in pain, he just can’t find food delicious. 

“Who was it this time?” Shownu asks Minhyuk quietly. Wonho hears it, but tries his best not to react.

“I’ll tell you later.” Minhyuk says lightly before taking another delicious spoonful of stew. He does not want to ruin the atmosphere when everyone is having dinner.

 

 

That night, Shownu finds it hard to sleep. He gets up from bed and quietly checks on Wonho. The other was tossing and turning like he was having a nightmare. He tries to wake him only to stop when he remembered Minhyuk’s words:

_“It’s VIXX’s Hongbin. They went out a few times, texted a lot, and it was going well for a few weeks until today. I think they did it too, probably a week ago. Remember when Hoseok hyung was all dreamy coming in for practice?”_

_Shownu scrunches his eyebrows, wondering why Minhyuk was feeding him too much information._

_“I know you are straight, but Wonho’s a fool for trying to hide these stuff from you. It’s not like your homophobic. Are you?”_

_“I have not really thought of that.” Shownu says honestly._

_“What if Wonho suddenly hugs you from behind, will you flinch? Will you find it disgusting?”_

_“You do that to me. I don’t really like it but I’m used to it.”_

_“You did not answer my question, hyung.”_

_“Why are we suddenly talking about me?” Shownu finds himself being defensive all of a sudden. ___

__“Ahhh! It hurts, Hyunwoo.” Wonho pulls away from Shownu’s grip, caressing his probably bruised arm._ _

__“I’m sorry!” Shownu gets back to his senses. He immediately regrets hurting Wonho._ _

__“Are you okay?” Wonho asks him, concern laced in his voice._ _

__Shownu shakes his head, “I should be the one asking you that. I just hurt your arm.”_ _

__Shownu tries to back away, but Wonho holds him back, “I’m okay. You were spacing out, what’s wrong?”_ _

__“I—-I was trying to wake you up. Looks like you were having a bad dream.”_ _

__“I was.” Wonho forces a smile. “I’m sorry I woke you.”_ _

__“Y—you didn’t, I— couldn’t sleep— I just—-get some rest, okay?” Shownu awkwardly gets back to bed._ _

__Shownu lies down, thinking why it has been difficult to talk to Wonho for some time. It was always easy opening up to Minhyuk. Kihyun has always been very vocal. Hyungwon and Jooheon treats him like a big brother and a father respectively. Even Changkyun came around. But why was Wonho different. ‘Weren’t they together longer?’, he wondered._ _

__Shownu just couldn’t say it freely. ‘Wonho, I was worried about you; that’s why, I couldn’t sleep.’ He couldn’t say it. It was normal to be worried about his brothers, right? To the point you can’t sleep? Well, not really. Shownu just ends up blaming himself for not being good with words._ _

__Wonho looks at Shownu’s lying figure. ‘He is spacing out again.’ Somehow being preoccupied with what Shownu was thinking made him forget about his bad dream. Shownu makes him forget about Hongbin. His heart just feels warm looking at Shownu, and how it was possible that Shownu was looking after him. It suddenly scares him. He decides to leave the room._ _

__

__

__Shownu and Wonho were both exhausted from practice because of lack of sleep. They can hardly keep up with the other members._ _

__“I can understand why Wonho hyung has not slept well last night but Shownu hyung? What did you do all night? Your eyes are bloodshot red.” Kihyun hands him a towel._ _

__‘I was waiting for Hoseok to come back to the room,’ Shownu keeps to himself while wiping his sweat. “I’m fine,” Shownu denies._ _

__Wonho wide-eyed scans him, “W—were you waiting for me to come back to bed?”_ _

__“W—what?! No! I mean yeah I heard you coming out from the room——_ _

__Shownu was panicking, and Minhyuk finds this amusing. Actually, it’s no secret that Minhyuk is team Wonho. Shownu is probably getting worked up from his confrontation about Wonho yesterday. He not so secretly rejoices._ _

__Hyungwon is quick to catch Minhyuk’s nasty grin._ _

__“Even I couldn’t get back to bed after hearing Hoseok hyung come out,” Hyungwon tries to save Shownu. Minhyuk’s scheming brain starts to doubt himself. That’s team Shownu for you._ _

__Jooheon gives Hyungwon a disapproving look, “I doubt that. You slept like a baby when I entered the room this morning.” Then, there’s team Oblivious._ _

__Hyungwon fails to defend his favorite brother._ _

__Minhyuk regains his smile. He is right. Maybe there’s a fat chance that Shownu likes Wonho._ _

__

__

__Wonho volunteers to buy coffee especially for Shownu, knowing he too was suffering from insomnia last night. IM tags along._ _

__IM suddenly blocks Wonho from entering the cafe, “I’ll go instead. You go back.”_ _

__Wonho immediately spots VIXX inside the cafe but brushes it off. “You can’t carry all 7 cups, Changkyun. I’ll be fine.”_ _

__Without knowing that the pair was coming in, Hongbin was in the middle of relaying a ridiculous story to his team, “Yes, Dasom’s pretty amazing. I just regret spending so much time with Hoseok for the past few weeks when Dasom could do incredible things in bed.”_ _

__“Yah! Hoseok hyung’s behind you.” Ravi not so discreetly elbows Hongbin._ _

__Before Wonho can react, IM’s already on his way to confront his big brother’s ex-lover. Ravi and Hakyeon put themselves in the middle to stop any fight from rising._ _

__“I apologize for what Hongbin has done. We are leaving. Please don’t make a scene,” Hakyeon is very careful with his words and tone as he speaks to IM and Wonho at the same time._ _

__Ravi has already pulled Hongbin up from his seat, ushering him to leave. Hongbin just looks dumbly surprised that he was busted._ _

__Hoseok has been left speechless and suddenly weak on his knees. IM is there to hold him. “Hyung, are you okay?”_ _

__“D—don’t tell the others.” Wonho is still in shock. His chest tightened and he feels dizzy from the lack of oxygen, realizing he just stopped breathing. He holds onto a chair for support._ _

__“Of course.” IM promises, holding his brother’s hand. He’s also quite lost. The urge to feel like punching Hongbin is not quite out of his system yet._ _

__

__

__“What’s taking them so long?” Kihyun’s worried that the composer they are meeting that afternoon will complain because of their tardiness._ _

__“I’ll get them. You guys go ahead. Tell the managers to wait for us.” Shownu instructs them._ _

__“Very smooth,” Minhyuk calls out. Given he usually doesn’t talk much sense, Minhyuk’s mainly ignored except for the wise turtle._ _

__Once Kihyun and Jooheon are out of earshot, Hyungwon confronts Minhyuk._ _

__“I know what you’re doing. Stop playing them. I know that Wonho hyung’s been lonely recently, but bringing Shownu hyung in is just wrong. He’ll be like rebound to him.” Hyungwon warns him._ _

__“Why are you so against Shownu hyung and Hoseokkie hyung getting together? Afraid to be the third wheel in your room?” Minhyuk teases._ _

__“You can’t play god. You might just hurt them.”_ _

__That made Minhyuk shut his mouth. The turtle’s wise words sting too much._ _

__

__

__After a few minutes, IM proceeds to the counter to order their drinks, giving his big brother some time alone._ _

__Wonho’s still shaken by the revelation that he was being cheated on. He concentrates on erasing the negative thoughts in his head. But before he can even properly breathe, he jumps out of his skin when someone suddenly rests an arm on his shoulder, only to face Shownu._ _

__“I’m sorr—- Hoseok-ah— what happened? Why are you trembling?”_ _

__As soon as Shownu realizes Wonho was not okay, he pulls him for an embrace naturally._ _

__Wonho can feel himself letting go of his tension and just melt into Shownu’s arms. Shownu is not a man of words, but his presence just has this effect on him. Wonho does not realize that he is suddenly sobbing like a baby. It’s embarrassing. He regrets it almost immediately. He can’t let Shownu see this side of him. Actually, he has already shown this side of him, but that was five years ago. Back when they were still trainees. Back when he was wild and very vulnerable to his emotions that he nearly lost Shownu revealing himself too much._ _

__“I’m sorry—“ Wonho tries to push Shownu away._ _

__Shownu tightens his grip, “It’s okay, Hoseok.”_ _

__“It’s not.” He takes a minute to compose himself, while Shownu continuously pats his back._ _

__“Hyunwoo ah, this isn’t very manly of me.” Hoseok jokes but his voice shake in the process._ _

__“I don’t care. Please just let me help.” Shownu begs._ _

__IM feels so lucky having witnessed this scene of his oldest brothers sharing a long hug. He heard from a staff in Starship that they used to be closer, but it’s actually the first time he sees them kind of open up to each other._ _

__Shownu lets out a dry laugh. “I know Minhyukkie’s better at this, but I’m still your best friend, or am I not anymore?”_ _

__Wonho feels guilty to the bones. “You still are.”_ _

__Relieved by Wonho’s words, he finally lets go of him._ _

__“What did he do? Hongbin. I know he was here. We crossed paths.” Shownu’s voice is soft, but Wonho can feel a hint of rage._ _

__“It doesn’t matter. I was stupid. We all know I am stupid.”_ _

__Shownu can’t believe his ears, “Listen, you can’t think like that. You are not stupid,” he strongly reprimands him as he holds onto the latter’s arms, “You are a good soul, Hoseok. I am sure none of this was your fault.”_ _

__Wonho heart suddenly feels so light. He feels like he was being lifted from his drowning sorrow. “Thank you for always taking my side,” he was unconsciously doing aegyo in response to Shownu’s obvious caring heart. “I’m touched, Shownu hyung~”_ _

__“Uhmm hyungs, we need to go. Kihyun hyung is calling,” IM shows them his phone. He regrets breaking their intense yet sweet conversation._ _

__

__

__When Kihyun nagged about them taking too long, Shownu defended IM and Wonho, lying that there was an incredibly long line in the cafe._ _

__During the ride, Wonho silently looks at the hand holding his, it was Shownu’s._ _

___‘Don’t do this to me, Hyunwoo. I was meditating the whole night, telling myself to stop feeling these ridiculous things for you.’ ____ _

____Shownu’s even massaging the back of Wonho’s hand with his thumb. Wonho takes a deep breath as he takes his hand away from Shownu’s._ _ _ _

____Shownu was alarmed at the sudden rejection, but was relieved immediately once Wonho leans on his shoulder for comfort. Wonho closes his eyes to concentrate on Shownu’s scent. He just realized how much he misses him._ _ _ _

____Wonho indulges himself with moments with Shownu once in a while; but harbouring feelings for your best friend proves to be difficult at times. It was last year when Shownu nearly went out with one of the Cosmic Girls. That’s when he started to avoid having moments with Shownu. When Minhyuk suggested he dated someone to look for other fishes in the sea, he accepted the idea._ _ _ _

____He just did not expect that he’d get his heart broken every time and come back to Shownu to heal._ _ _ _

____“Shownu hyung, why don’t you just date Hoseokie to save him from any more heartbreaks?” Minhyuk bombs away._ _ _ _

____“W—what? That’s not funny, Minhyukie,” Shownu says in a whisper. He was careful not to wake Wonho up._ _ _ _

____“I’m serious,” Minhyuk insists._ _ _ _

____“Stop that, hyung. Seriously!” Jooheon butts in before Hyungwon can. Jooheon finds it insensitive for Minhyuk to spout things like this when he was fully aware of Wonho’s sexual preferences. That puts his ‘Appa’ in a difficult position._ _ _ _

____“Shownu hyung can speak for himself,” Minhyuk says with sass._ _ _ _

____“If you don’t shut your mouth, I’ll punch you,” Hyungwon adds, already quite irate._ _ _ _

____“That’s enough,” Kihyun mediates, “Let’s talk about this after our schedule if there is even a sense to this.”_ _ _ _

____“Come on guys, what’s with all the fuss? Shownu and Hoseok hyung are best friends. Why are we talking about them dating?” IM points out, though quite confused by the outbursts._ _ _ _

____Shownu keeps his mouth shut. At that moment, he was having so many thoughts in his head that he couldn’t speak, but he was mostly worried on how Wonho might misunderstand his words earlier as he is now aware that the latter isn’t asleep after all. He felt him stiffen up during the whole argument._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____ _ _

____During the meeting with Producer Shim, Monsta X learned that the said composer wanted to gift them with a song that talks about friendship with no boundaries, music mainly inspired by the movie WereWolf boy. Since the boys have already watched the movie, Jooheon and IM were tasked to create a few rap verses to go with the song. The vocalists were then asked to practice the lyrics already prepared for them to sing._ _ _ _

____For the composer to decide which parts will go to whom, the vocalists had to sing the entire song for him to hear._ _ _ _

____Kihyun went in the studio first and blew away Producer Shim. When the composer asked him what he was thinking during the recording to portray such emotions, he explained how he relates the song with how he feels sorry to his fans and how he cherishes his friendship with them. This makes Hyungwon and Minhyuk snicker in the background._ _ _ _

____“He’s always so full of himself,” Hyungwon comments._ _ _ _

____“It’s a talent how he makes everything about him,” Minhyuk seconds._ _ _ _

____The two don’t realize they were actually laughing together, forgetting they were about to punch each other in the faces a while ago._ _ _ _

____“Looks like you guys already made up,” Kihyun chimes, “I’m glad it’s because of me.”_ _ _ _

____Hyungwon reaches out to shake Minhyuk’s hand. The cool Minhyuk accepts it._ _ _ _

____Kihyun is proud._ _ _ _

____Wonho looks away. His guilt eating him up. He feels that if it wasn’t for him, his brothers wouldn’t be fighting in the first place. Shownu holds his hand at the moment, surprising the former._ _ _ _

____“Let’s talk?” Shownu asks softly only for Wonho to hear. He takes the opportunity to approach him while the others were listening attentively to Minhyuk’s turn singing or so he thought._ _ _ _

____Jooheon’s actually blushing, embarrassed to see his older brothers act this way. IM clears his throat, being the only other person aside from Jooheon to witness the sweet gesture. He asks Jooheon to help him with his rap to distract him, ultimately giving the couple privacy._ _ _ _

____“Talk about what?” Wonho pretends not to understand._ _ _ _

____“I know you heard everything in the car,” Shownu whispers._ _ _ _

____Wonho looks everywhere but at Shownu’s face, “I understand if you don’t feel comfortable with me anymore. I don’t blame you. I—I’ll talk to Minhyuk about this so he won’t bother you—-_ _ _ _

____“That’s not what I meant. I respect you and who you are.”_ _ _ _

____“I get it. We don’t really have to talk about this. I should have cleared things up earlier, I —- please forget about it.”_ _ _ _

____Shownu sighs. It’s difficult when Wonho shuts him down when in reality he was so flustered by the thought of dating the latter. He is now even questioning his own sexual preferences. Most importantly, he was scared how the latter would take it if he knew._ _ _ _

____“To set the record straight, I will never feel uncomfortable being around you, Hoseok. Ever,” Shownu might just have said it a little too loud than he intended._ _ _ _

____Wonho feels his heart jump around. He’s actually deaf from its beating._ _ _ _

____All eyes in the room are suddenly on them. Hyungwon can’t believe his ears. Perhaps Minhyuk was right all along. He was so convinced that Wonho had one-sided feelings for Shownu, and that Shownu only had friendship to offer. But Shownu being vocal about how he feels for the other is a first, and Hyungwon was lucky Minhyuk’s in the studio still singing; he might just figure out what’s really going on with his roommates without being harassed by the drama king._ _ _ _

____Kihyun, as usual, finds rationale in things. “That’s quite a good interpretation for the movie, right?” he asks Producer Shim._ _ _ _

____“Quite right, I should say.”_ _ _ _

____IM laughs at Jooheon’s face now red as a tomato, the latter already thinking about a possible romance going on._ _ _ _

____“They’ve been having some heart-to-heart talk since coffee break. Let’s give them space,” IM explains to Jooheon._ _ _ _

____Hyungwon takes note of that information and starts to plan ahead._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____ _ _

____Later that evening, Wonho goes to the gym to clear his mind. He doesn’t even invite Shownu. He slips out of their dorm quietly, bringing is neon orange gym bag._ _ _ _

____Jooheon takes this chance to confront Shownu. Hyungwon, who loves eating snacks more than ‘real’ food, was coincidentally eating cereals beside Shownu in the older’s bed._ _ _ _

____“Hyung, tell me the truth. Are you and Hoseokie hyung you know—- a thing?” Jooheon asks with much anxiety._ _ _ _

____Hyungwon almost spills out his bowl, surprised at Jooheon’s straightforwardness._ _ _ _

____Before Shownu can answer, IM comes from behind Jooheon, “Hyung, I told you you are misunderstanding things. Hoseok hyung’s upset, because he learned that Hongbin hyung was cheating on him so Shownu hyung was comforting him.”_ _ _ _

____“Hongbin was cheating on him?!” Shownu was outraged._ _ _ _

____“If he was really comforting him, why doesn’t he know this important information?” Jooheon mocks IM._ _ _ _

____IM was also stunned by the question, scratching his head._ _ _ _

____“Where’s Hoseok?!” Shownu asks panicking._ _ _ _

____“Yah, I’m curious about Jooheon’s question. Can you answer that first?” Hyungwon says lazily._ _ _ _

____Shownu ignores his younger brothers and fishes out his phone to call Wonho._ _ _ _

____“I don’t think he really needs to answer the question.” IM suggests._ _ _ _

____“It can’t be. We can’t have someone in our group dating. This is serious,” Jooheon cries._ _ _ _

____“Changkyun, close the door,” Hyungwon instructs, not wanting interference from Kihyun and Minhyuk, the beagles, from their living room. IM does what he’s told._ _ _ _

____Hyungwon takes away Shownu’s phone successfully, while the latter protests._ _ _ _

____“Answer the question. I know damn well that Hoseok hyung likes you. You tell me if you feel the same way. I’ll help you, hyung.”_ _ _ _

____Jooheon and IM hold their breath. It’s the first time they heard that Wonho likes Shownu._ _ _ _

____“I honestly don’t know how I feel. I don’t know. Wait, stop assuming Hoseok likes me just because he likes men,” Shownu reprimands him._ _ _ _

____“I’m 99% sure he’s into you. Why do you think he started dating?”_ _ _ _

____“What do you mean?” Shownu is truly confused._ _ _ _

____Hyungwon sighs deeply, “It’s too obvious. He was hurt when you told us you were planning to date Seola. And you told me he kissed you five years ago, when you thought he was drunk. I don’t believe it for a second that he was drunk at all.”_ _ _ _

____“Hyungwon!” Shownu scolds him for spilling his secret in front of the kids._ _ _ _

____“He kissed you?” Jooheon has his small tinny eyes bulging._ _ _ _

____“He was drunk. He was. He was going through a lot, okay?” Shownu explains._ _ _ _

____“So you pretended it didn’t happen?” IM presses._ _ _ _

____“I was scared, okay? He kind of stopped talking to me for a week until I told him I was also too drunk to remember anything.” Shownu's heart hurts from even remembering that time._ _ _ _

____“He’s probably been in love with you for five years, hyung.” Hyungwon sadly says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you feel the same way.”_ _ _ _

____Shownu takes a deep breath. This is also new information to him._ _ _ _

____Since Monsta X were too busy to date because of their hectic schedule, they kind of had an excuse delay things especially on the love angle. But Hyungwon must be right. Maybe he forced Wonho to date when he opened up about dating, thinking that Wonho really had no feelings for him after years had passed when they remained friends._ _ _ _

____“How awful must have you felt when Hoseokkie hyung dated and hooked up with other men,” Jooheon comments._ _ _ _

____They visibly see Shownu clenching his fists involuntarily._ _ _ _

____“You must have forced yourself not to feel,” Hyungwon pities his brother._ _ _ _

____“Stop.” Shownu leaves his bed. This was too much for him. “I—I’ll just —- I’ll be out for a while.”_ _ _ _

____“Hoseok hyung—- I saw him bring his gym bag,” IM supplies for him._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____ _ _

____The rain was pouring hard that night. Shownu didn’t even bring his umbrella given it all happened too fast. His younger brothers suddenly pushing him to the corner, making him confront his feelings. He doesn’t even have a plan. He just wants to see Wonho and check if he’s alright._ _ _ _

____Shownu is too focused in reaching his destination. He ignores his surroundings._ _ _ _

____Suddenly, there’s a flash of light. Deafening sound of sirens. A motorcycle curves towards the inner lane. It goes out of control. Shownu did not expect this the way he’ll die. A freak accident._ _ _ _

____A stroke of luck. A man pulls him to safety. An old friend. GOT7’s Jaebum._ _ _ _

____Instead of Shownu, Jaebum’s umbrella becomes the only casualty._ _ _ _

____“Hyung! Are you okay?!”_ _ _ _

____Jaebum’s checking Shownu’s body for injuries._ _ _ _

____“Jaebumie?” Shownu can’t really see through the rain. His heart is also pounding at 120 decibels._ _ _ _

____“Yeah, hyung. It’s me. You’re so deep in your thoughts, you could have—-_ _ _ _

____“You saved me,” Shownu gives him a hug in relief._ _ _ _

____“If Wonho hyung knew about this—-he’ll freak,” Jaebum chuckles._ _ _ _

____“Wonho?” Shownu scrunches his forehead._ _ _ _

____“Isn’t he your boyfriend?”_ _ _ _

____And like a perfect omen, the skies clear up._ _ _ _

____Shownu blushes. “He isn’t. He’s a good friend.”_ _ _ _

____“Woah—really? But the way he took care of you at the last idol’s swimming event— sorry I was mistaken, hyung,” Jaebum’s always been observant._ _ _ _

____“He’s—it’s complicated,” Shownu wanted to reassure Jaebum but ends up confirming his relationship with Wonho to be something out of the ordinary._ _ _ _

____“I just thought maybe we can go on a couple’s date sometime. Speaking of which, my boyfriend will kill me if I don’t get back to the dorm in time. I should hurry and buy the turkey he asked me to. Jinyoung’s been meaning to try a new recipe with the rest of the team.”_ _ _ _

____“Oh! I’m sorry about your umbrella.”_ _ _ _

____“No worries. Bye hyung!”_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____ _ _

____Shownu reminisces on the idol swimming competition held two months ago. That time, Wonho was dating Pentagon’s Yuto who was also a participant in the games. Shownu was being extra competitive, since Wonho asked him to take it easy on his record for Yuto. It was a joke but Shownu took it seriously. He was unconsciously fighting for Wonho instead of the actual competition._ _ _ _

____Shownu got Wonho’s attention alright but not for winning the competition. He embarrassingly experienced cramps half way which made him stay under water for too long, and he even gets rescued by Yuto among other swimmers._ _ _ _

____He remembers how Wonho ended up a crying mess. Like a little kid, he hung onto him, the entire time he was getting medical attention._ _ _ _

_____“He’s gonna be alright, Hoseok hyung,” Yuto assures him._ _ _ _ _

_____Wonho never wanted to be a bad boyfriend but when it comes to Shownu he just can’t think straight. He does not intend to ignore his then boyfriend and continuously tend to Shownu, even Shownu is overwhelmed.  
“Where does it hurt, Hyunwoo? Are you having any difficulty breathing? Oh God. Why are you not answering?”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Hoseok, I’m okay. Don’t cry,” Shownu’s shaky fingers wipe the crybaby’s tears away.  
“Doctor, he still looks kind of blue to me. Please, we have to take him to the hospital.”_ _ _ _ _

_____“No. I’m fine,” Shownu tells the doctor. He does not want the incident to escalate especially since it will be in broadcast.  
“I’m not overreacting. Listen to me. You might suddenly collapse or even have coma. I can’t have that!”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Ssssh. I’m okay,” Shownu holds Wonho’s cheeks in his big hands. Shownu chuckles at the next wave of tears falling._ _ _ _ _

_____“Hyunwoo, you are banned from the water as long as I’m beside you. You got that?!”_ _ _ _ _

_____“Arasoooyo~” Shownu tries to be funny._ _ _ _ _

_____Beside them, spectators watch them admiring their affection towards each other._ _ _ _ _

_____“They are just too sweet, Jaebum-ah…You didn’t tell me they were together,” Jinyoung exclaims._ _ _ _ _

_____“Honestly, I thought Hyunwoo hyung was straight. Guess I was wrong,” Jaebum speaks more to himself but Wonho’s then boyfriend, Yuto, hears them loud and clear. ____ _ _ _

______The next day Yuto breaks up with Hoseok with the reason that he wants to concentrate more in studying Korean. Ha—-ha— funny._ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______While Shownu was nearing the gym, he spots a sports boutique carrying the latest training shoes. Another sweet memory came to mind. This was from when they just debuted._ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Hoseok hyung, you are so unfair. Why did you buy Shownu hyung these stylish Jordans? You just bought me a stuffed animal for my birthday,” Jooheon whines._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“For one, Hoseok hyung finds you cute, that’s why he buys you cute things.” Minhyuk consoles him, “And second, Hyunwoo hyung deserves the best presents on his birthday—-he’s our dear leader.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“You really worked hard this year, Hyunwoo-ah,” Wonho pats his shoulder._ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______Shownu can’t believe Wonho bought him such an expensive present, “I thought you were saving up for your mom. I don’t deserve this.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I already gave my mom ginseng our fans gifted us. Besides, I know how much you need those. Yours is already so worn out.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“I don’t know what else to say.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______“Maybe, thank you and I love you, Hoseok?” Wonho teases him. ____ _ _ _ _ _

________Shownu feels his cheeks start to hurt at how much he is smiling right now. He can’t wait to see Wonho. And say “I love you” perhaps._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________When Shownu reached the gym, he was still drenched from the rain. His trainer informed him that Wonho’s in the changing room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Better go shower, you’ll get sick if you don’t,” his trainer advises._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Lucky that Shownu keeps extra clothes in his locker. But that’s the extent of his luck. Walking into the room, he did not expect to find Wonho locking lips with another guy who he has probably seen in a drama of some sort Hyungwon was watching._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The noise that someone came in startled the pair. Wonho especially looked like he’s seen a ghost._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The other guy smirks, “You know this guy?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“He’s my teammate. Can you excuse us?” Wonho says breathless. Shame. In front of the man he feels so much for._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The guy complies but he makes sure to steal another kiss from the hot male._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Shownu just snapped. His icy expression says it all. Shownu is suddenly thinking about the best way to kill the guy. But underneath all this, he is hurt. That his Wonho has been with everyone but him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Wonho does not miss the deafening silence in the room. Many thoughts run through his head. Why is Hyunwoo so mad? I suppose he’s homophobic. What will happen to our relationship after this?” But still his first instinct is to apologize and prepare for more heartbreak, “I’m sorry you had to see that. God, Hyunwoo, you are soaking wet, you should—-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You should be more careful,” Shownu says calmly but Wonho hears the evident anger in his voice._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Shownu heads to the showers with his mastered self-restraint._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Wonho is left speechless. His tears start to fall. Shownu does not know how much he regrets kissing the guy. Honestly, he just wanted to forget. Forget that Shownu can never be his._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Shownu is sure he can hear Wonho’s soft whimpers. He’s just lost it. How can he act like jerk in front of Wonho? It was none of his business. Wonho was never his to begin with. He just feels like punching the tiled wall. And he does it. Very bad idea._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Wonho hears Shownu groan in pain. Without hesitation, he rushes to to check on him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________He was shocked to see blood dripping from Shownu’s bruised knuckles. He turns the knob to close the shower, and pulls Shownu out in a matter of seconds._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The next thing Shownu remembers is that Wonho’s in front of him with the bandages and some ointment._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Why did you that?! If you are angry at me, punch me instead. Don’t hurt yourself like this. What’s wrong with you!?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Typical of Wonho, Shownu does not deserve this angel who offers himself as a punching bag when all he ever did was to take him for granted._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m not mad at you. I—-I’m mad at myself.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I don’t understand, Hyunwoo,” Wonho urges him to explain as he carefully washes off the blood in his knuckles with a soft piece of cloth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m jealous but I don’t have the right to be—-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What? Don’t—- What did you say again?” Wonho feels himself unable to breathe at Shownu’s confession._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’ve been running away from the truth. I was a coward. It was always you. It has always been you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“What are you talking about?” Wonho’s lips quiver in shock._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Shownu slowly lifts Wonho’s chin with his good hand, confusing the other. “You once said that even if the whole world turns their back on us, you’d still want to be with me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I thought you didn’t——_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Shownu cuts Wonho off as he slowly takes control of the latter’s lips. Desperate and sweet, he aims to make Wonho feel his love for him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You remembered our kiss?” Wonho’s eyes widened._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You wouldn’t talk to me for a week. I decided to pretend that I don’t remember but I’ve been foolishly holding onto it, that you meant every word because I love you, Hoseok. I love you dearly. And I can’t take it anymore, you being with someone else.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________This time Wonho presses his lips onto Shownu, “I was so scared of losing you—I had to—-_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You will never lose me. You should know how much I longed for you.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Since when were you so good with words?” Wonho is amazed at how Shownu has been expressing himself. He feels so reassured._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“I’m even planning on making up to you for all the years we’ve lost tiptoeing around each other.” Shownu gives him a naughty smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Then I guess, Hyungwon should transfer to another room from now on.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Shownu chuckles, “I guess so.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing this! <3


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